Positionality: an Interview with Ben Lawlor
Amideast Education Abroad regularly reflects on the theme of positionality, and encourages students to do the same. We asked Ben Lawlor, a participant on the Action Amideast Social Innovation in Tunisia, to reflect on his changing perceptions and sense of place in his host community over the course of his program.
Before you left for your program, what did you think about your place in Tunisia, in your host community, and in your host family?
Before I left for my program I knew very little about the country or culture of Tunisia, but I was very eager to put myself outside of my comfort zone and take a leap of faith, trusting myself and my ability to adapt to my circumstances. I think my lack of prior knowledge allowed me to approach the experience with a very open mind because I knew from the jump that I had a lot to learn. That being said, I think I had an oversimplified view of how I could go about comparing what I knew about other postcolonial cultures to the situation in Tunisia. I saw myself arriving here, quickly understanding the history of the country and then starting to find patterns and key differences which would allow me to think about both the present political and social climate in Tunisia and how Tunisians viewed their own national identity as a people reclaiming their identity after a period of colonialism and then autocracy. Outside of my academic expectations I saw myself easily finding a routine in my host family’s apartment and neighborhood, fitting all of the aspects of my life seamlessly into this new place. I didn’t think I would have any difficulties finding time or space for running, music, work and socializing. However, as much as I planned to focus on myself, I also approached my relationship with my host family first and foremost as a good guest. I was very grateful that they opened their home to me and I wanted to make sure that I respected their generosity. I knew that this would allow me to feel as welcome as I was and also build a relationship with them to learn more about their culture and daily lives in Tunisia.
Once you arrived, were those preconceptions challenged or affirmed? Have they/how have they continued to evolve since the beginning of your program?
““I felt very much like an outsider looking in and I wanted to respect the platform I was being given.””
Upon arrival my preconceptions were definitely challenged, especially in the classroom. I remember well how during the first session of my CBL (community-based learning) course I felt very overwhelmed by the amount of information presented to me on the history of the country and an immediate sense of just how much there was to learn. I wondered how I could have expected it to be simpler, but it also made me very interested to learn more. Over the course of the program my goals shifted and while I continued to learn as much as I could on a daily basis, I felt less urgency to understand everything all at once as the program progressed. I realized that I could only do so much while I was here and needed to focus on my current experiences in order to build off of that knowledge later on. With my host family I felt very welcome right off the bat, but quickly realized that more things would change about my daily routine than I originally expected. Between changing my sleep schedule to beat the heat on morning runs, getting the hang of my commute and helping around the house in ways I hadn’t before, it took some time to get comfortable.
Are there any specific moments that stand out to you as particularly informative or perspective-shifting in terms of how you view your place in Tunisia?
One moment which stands out to me when looking back on my time here was the first time I got chased by stray dogs while running. One morning, just a few days after moving in with my host family, I was out running in a deserted part of the town where there were no other people. Turning off of a gravel road into a marshy area I looked back and saw two dogs chasing me out of a vacant lot. Not having any experience dealing with stray dogs I ran as fast as I could and they continued to chase me. Eventually I was able to stop and hide and they went away, but it was a frightening experience. I remember the rest of that run I was feeling like such a stranger in this place, afraid of my surroundings, uncomfortable and worried about what the next month would hold. I wanted to pack up and go home that day. However, as I cooled down and began to understand how to deal with that sort of situation, I realized that there were so many different aspects of my experience here and I had to learn to approach things with the right mindset. It was natural that I would have some issues and that situation helped me to appreciate the things that were easier and to ask for help with the things that were hard. I have since been chased by other stray dogs, but I now know how to handle it and that learning experience helped me feel more comfortable in my environment and gain the confidence to learn from difficult situations.
How has your experience at your CBL placement informed the way you understand your place in Tunisia?
At my CBL placement my goal was to write articles on issues and events related to human rights and activism in Tunisia. I gained a better understanding of my place in Tunisia because I had to think carefully about the way I wrote about the country, not being from here myself. It was important to me to highlight problems I thought might benefit from the attention of CSOs, but also to present the problem and possible solutions in an objective and respectful way. I tried to make sure I was doing enough research to fully understand the topics and not just point out the issues I saw without taking a look at what was going on in the community. Writing these articles I felt very much like an outsider looking in and I wanted to respect the platform I was being given. This feeling pushed me to try hard to understand the community and helped me learn a lot.
What about your CBL classroom discussions?
My CBL classroom discussions were especially helpful because they really helped me take a step back and examine what I was doing and how I was thinking. Outside of class I was committed to living in the moment and trying to experience as much as possible. My class discussions were awesome and I really benefited from the fact that I was the only student on the program because I essentially had frequent three hour conversations to unpack the last few days of my life with my professor. These discussions helped me understand why I was acting in certain ways and whether or not that was helping me both in the workplace and in social settings. For example I learned about how my upbringing in a high context culture influences the way I approach getting information and interacting with other people. With the readings and conversations I was able to gain perspective on my actions much more quickly than I would have if I had had to do it myself.
Do you think your understanding of your own identity has shifted at all? Has this experience changed how you think of yourself as an American (or male, etc.) in the world?
I forget where I heard this, but one of my favorite sayings is as follows: Cultures do not interact with each other, people from different cultures do. This experience has helped me understand a lot more about how the way I was raised and have lived in my own country and with certain cultural norms heavily influences how I think and act and why I expect certain things to be done in certain ways. It has also taught me that even though people around the world are motivated by similar goals, there are so many different ways to approach achieving them and I have gained a better understanding of how interactions between people are impacted by their own culture. I wouldn’t say that my understanding of my own identity has shifted very much, but rather has become a bit deeper. After I return home I’m sure I will find that I have learned more than I realize at the moment and I am excited to see what has changed about the way I will approach living my life in the United States.
Ben Lawlor is a junior at Colby College and is studying in Tunis, Tunisia this summer.
